Hello, my name is awkward, will you marry me?

My mom always joked with me and said it will take a special woman to agree to marry me. I think she meant that lovingly but I could never tell.

Years later and with much introspection I’ve come to realize just how true she was. I have my quirks, sure, just like everybody else but I think perhaps I go above and beyond mostly in awkwardness.

First off, there is my diet which is focused on meat and potatoes. Sure, I eat other things, but I could basically live on meat and potatoes. To this day as I near my 26th birthday, I still won’t touch a salad. So there’s certainly room for growth there.

I know I’ve mentioned I’m awkward but I’m still not sure if you can exactly grasp the level of awkwardness I operate with on a daily basis. If you’ve seen Frozen and recall the end where Kristoff stumbles over several words on his way to asking Anna if he could kiss her.

Kristoff: “I could kiss you. I could. I mean…I’d like to. I – may I? We me? I mean, may we? Wait, what?

Anna: “We may.”

I mean I may not be that confused but going for the first kiss has always been a tough puzzle to solve. I’m horrible at picking up hints. There’s been times I wish I had someone with cue cards to guide me on a date.

I have no fashion sense, it’s a wonder I can dress myself every day. Then again I’m not even sure if I do that right on a daily basis. Although I do manage to wear matching socks…most days.

My idea of a great romantic date is going to a museum to see dinosaurs. Okay, this one I’m not exactly embarrassed about because let’s face it DINOSAURS ARE AWESOME!

I can’t dance, at all. This past New Year’s Eve is a great case and point, my body just doesn’t understand rhythm.

I can’t really cook though I can grill pretty well, go figure with my diet. But I can bake, so that’s something right?

I have a tendency to suffer from foot in mouth syndrome and it seems no one is immune from that with me. Let me tell you there are some moments in life when you really should bite your tongue, but apparently I didn’t get that sensor.

Oh and apparently I’m prone to SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and I live in Ohio so you do the math there.

Let’s not forget my knack for being accident prone. While it hasn’t happened yet, save for the one time I got a friend lost in a national park and had park ranger call us to make sure we aren’t dead, I have not dragged anybody else down with my accident proneness yet. But knowing just how often misfortune befalls me, I imagine any person willing to commit to a relationship with me is bound to end up falling in a lake or getting caught in the rain eventually.

So with all these quirks what my mom said really rings true, it certainly will take a special woman. And while I’m not married yet, I have at least found a wonderful girl who has yet to let my quirks scare her away. Do I hear any recommendations to nominate her for sainthood?


One thought on “Hello, my name is awkward, will you marry me?

  1. OK – first of all this is adorable. Secondly- did you ever think that maybe she loves you because of exactly who you are, clumsiness and dinosaurs included? Ps- your writing reminds me of ‘How I met your mother’ and I miss that show so I’m hooked here now.


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